My brain

BACKTOMENU

2009-09-26T15:18:53Z

This is greatness, wrapped in awesomeness, served in pie.

Words words words.

2009-06-25T21:52:20Z

As part of an ongoing meme, I replied to some posts, asking for 5 words that have some relation to myself. In accordance to proper meme behaviour, I post them here. First up: Tamara's words.

1: Geek
I'm a geek, very true. I embrace the gaming/geek lifestyle. I've been to conventions, played D&D, etc. More recently, I've been reading comics. I also own a circuitboard necklace that I like to wear. Japan fascinates me, I own a Tribble, DVD's with geeky movies/cartoons and a diecast model of the Adam West Batman series. I am geek, hear me ROAR.

2: Doomsdaydevice
I used to own a doomsdaydevice, as a keychain. It was a black box, with yellow stripes and a red button under a plastic cover. If you lifted the cover and pressed the button, a red light would flash, a beebing sound would go off, followed by the sound of an explosion. Very awesome. Too bad I lost it and it was broken anyway. I should get a new one.

3: Tongue
I have a long tongue.

4: T-Shirts
I have T-Shirts. Hehehe. More importantly, I have T-Shirts with prints on them. Words and stuff. You could say I collect them. I love those kinds of shirts. Wether they be jokes, images, statements or just plain rude. I like them. Smile if you're beautiful!

5: Womanizer
Uh, I have a reputation, haha. Dunno why. Oh wait, maybe it's because I'm a womanizer. Which is odd considering my "diagnose". Well, gogo breaking stereotypes. Since I don't keep a list of all my, uh, encouters, I need to estimate my sexpartners. If encounters where only foreplay happened are included, well, uh. Around 20? Give or take? I have no idea. But, it doesn't matter, since if all goes well, I'll be in a monogamous relationship ^_^

Ok, those were Tamara's words, now off to Damanique's!

1: Autism
I have autism. More specific, I have Asperger's Syndrom. I was diagnosed a couple of years ago. I consider myself to be a very un-stereotypical autist. I have friends, I'm a "womanizer", I see to the core pretty quickly. But, some things are there, I must admit. I'm oblivious to subtlety, mixed messages just confuse me and I can't handle change unless it's my own. I need to know what's happening or else I stress out. And when someone doesn't send out any signals at all, well. I don't know what to do.

2: Poly-amory
Oh, tough one. Uh. I used to be a poly diplomat :P Sharing love and experiences and such. But eh, recent developments have made me sway to the monogamous side. Crazy, I know.

3: Indonesian
I'm part Indonesian, 12,5% to be exact. This is relevant to me and Dama because when we first met, she was like "OMG another Indo guy that I like WTF" and then after me, she got her first BF, who was ALSO Indo. Crazy stuff. I don't feel very connected to Indonesia though. But I like the food,

4: Fashion
Not so much fashion as that I follow trends, but, I like dress nice. I love shopping for clothes and shoes. I like matching my outfit and looking spiffy. Woo!

5: Wrestling
One of my guilty pleasures I love that entertainment. It's so deliciously violent <3 And, I like to wrestle a bit myself. Must be my inner sadist ;-)

Alright! That was fun. So, if you want to have this done to you. Just post a reply with WORDS in them (the word words, you smart-ass) and I will give you 5 :-)

Yay for posting!

A post in Dutch, just so you know. Dingen die ik haat:

2009-04-17T22:56:18Z

Niet kunnen huilen ondanks vol met negatieve emoties zitten. Niet boos kunnen worden omdat er niemand is om boos op te worden. Ook niet mezelf, het is mijn schuld niet. Ik kan er niks aan doen, het maakt me apatisch, het vreet me van binnen op.

Ik haat mezelf, mijn autisme, dus mezelf. Ik haat het missen van een diepe band met iemand, ik haat het niet kunnen voelen van een diepe band met iemand. Ik haat het om constant mezelf met anderen te vergelijken. Ik haat het om verbanden en sociale interactie tussen anderen te zien en ik haat het dat ik voel dat ik daar in toch echt een handicap in heb.

Ik haat het dat als ik me zo voel, dat niets en niemand er wat aan kan doen, ook al merk ik dat er mensen zijn die daar dan hun best voor doen. Ik haat het dat ik ze dan misschien teleurstel, of afstoot. Ik haat het dat ik nooit volledig zal kunnen snappen of inzien hoe communicatie werkt. Ik haat het dat ik dat niet kan accepteren en bij gebrek aan contact niet gewoon kan observeren.

Liefde is dood, zeker nu.

Cliques and other social awkwardness.

2009-04-11T22:25:45Z

Cliques. Never been good with them, never will be. I'm very aware of social structrures around me, but, I have no idea how to deal with them. I often have friends, but, when those friends are part of a larger group, who know each other well and I'm the "new guy" well, it takes time to intergrate in the group. I understand that.

However, when someone else who is also new, and that person gets like, absorbed into that clique, well. I get confused. Confused and pissed off. Not that I don't, eh, grant them the pleasure of being accepted. it's just that I don't understand why they do get accepted and why not, well me.

So what do I do? I start acting like a retard. Or just hyper. Running to people, being intense. Just anything to get a reaction. Hey, you want a massage? No? Well, how about I start poking at that mask of yours? Oh hey, nice wall, what;s behind it? Ah, so you wanna share secrets? Sure!

It's gotten to the point where I;m frustrating myself. I can't seem to find a middleground. Either I'm like a big display of fireworks or just a little failing match. I need to give people the chance to get to know me, to let them approach me. But, at the same time, I need to present myself as being approachable. It's so confusing it's almost hurting me.

And yes, I am aware that I have autism, but, I don't wanna lay the blame on that all the time. I want to learn that I don't have to jump at every chance of social interaction. I need to understand that when you talk with someone and there's a silence, it doesn't mean there's something wrong.

These are things I need to work at, and have patience with. It also means I'll need to find a way to deal with all this energy I have inside myself.

Results are in! I am a...

2009-03-09T12:44:44Z

My OkCupid Dating Persona Is...

The Playboy

Random Gentle Sex Master (RGSM)

View my profile: MurdocNL

Find out your dating persona, take The Dating Persona Test!

Well, at least I'm not a Manchild >_>

The Fool is noticing the magic around him.

2009-03-08T01:20:40Z

Man, there's so much going on I don't even know where to start. Here's some stuff.

Had a date with someone I met 2 days earlier on the internet, resulting in the ending of my 6 month drought and me playing Street Fighter 2 with her, and she was also topless while doing that. So that was intense. And epic win.

On the way back, I actually had a conversation with someone I never met. Most amazing thing? She said "we've only talked for 30 minutes and I feel like already know you." So that was intense too.

I'm going to follow a workshop on camera acting. It's being given by a guy called Joep Sertons. I did some research and that man is pretty much an actor who's had roles in a LOT of major Dutch TV series and he now makes his own movies. This is the real deal we're talking about. I'm getting a script sent I'll need to study. More intensity.

I'm going to meet someone new on the 20th. Now, this isn't a big deal for me, but, it is for her, I'm gonna spend the night at her place (on the couch, no funny stuff) and that's totally new for her. The next day, we're heading to Amsterdam for a munch. Sometime later, I'll leave the munch and go to Geekfest. So itll be a busy and intense two days.

I also got word that I can move out in about 6 weeks. I was on a waiting list for an apartment, they told me I'd have to wait about 6 months/ 1 year. So that's now 6 weeks. Again, this is very intense and lifechanging.

And on top of all of that, I'm finally starting to realise, not only who I am, but, who I am respectively to others. I'm starting to realise what my actions, thoughts, words and such, what that can do to others. Also, I'm realising what it means if someone does something for or to me. More on this later.

So, all and all, that's a lot. This all hit me, really hit me a few days ago. It was like, all of a sudden, well, I got a lot less autistic and a lot more insecure. I've been insecure about my occasional overwhelmingness before, but, that was because I didn't really notice it. Now, I'm starting to be aware of it, and feel it myself, and I'm even more scared. If this has such an impact on me, what does it mean for others? I'm not trying to sound like I'm afraid of being awesome, I don't want to sound arrogant. It's just that well, I';ve been in a speeding train for a long time, but I've only just held my head out of the window and felt I fast I'm going.

Now, what does this mean? For the most part, I like being intense. But how can I be intense if I can't even handle it myself anymore? Or, when I'm busting through personal walls, how will that affect me? People have done it to me before, on occasion, but I think I might be a lot more sensitive to it now. It feels like I thought I was walking in a lush, pretty park and all of a sudden I find myself in the middel of a minefield.

I was at a birthday party a couple of weeks ago, Cy-V's to be exact. She laid a tarot for me, 3 cards, 1 for the past, 1 for the present and one for the future. Past was the Lovers card. Which makes sense, it's been 6 months since me and Mirjam broke up, etc. Present and future were, respectively, the Fool and the Magician.

The Fool wanders around, dressed eccentrically, playing some music, having a general good time, but, not aware of his surroundings, nor paying attention to those around him. The Magician, is very selfaware, has come to terms with his flaws and qualities, has an intense presence, that he is also aware and in in control of.

I feel like I might be in that phase now, going from the Fool into the Magician. I have clear thoughts on what I want, I'm opening up to myself and others. And maybe, in time, I can live up to my potential. The potential I have, not only for myself, but for others as well. That I may finally grasp my multidimensional and often paradoxical personality, and get some order into this chaotic mind of mine.

It;s scary though. I've never been one for taking regular steps or whatever, but this is really a big leap, well, let's hope forward. I feel ready, I feel able, my wings are eager to spread and let me soar through life. Let's hope they're not made of wax.

Copied from the Tyra Banks forum because you need to sign up there.

2009-03-07T14:47:31Z

Hello, my name is Alwin. I was born on the 1st of May, 1984, in The Netherlands. I have friends, I've been in relationships, had jobs, even one abroad. I like to travel, visit concerts, festivals, go shopping, give massages, change my hairstyle, etc.

I've also been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrom.

The reason I'm telling you this is that I feel there should be a countervoice against movements such as generationrescue.com. Now, don't get me wrong. I am all for research into a better understanding of autism. But claiming autism is reversible, that vaccination causes autism and that you have to BREAK through autism to get to the real person, is not only wrong and insulting, it's dangerous.

Autism isn't a disease. And in many ways, it isn't even a disorder. Yes, I know, and I agree, that many people with autism need assistance on certain aspects in life, and that some people have it so bad they need 24/7 care. HOWEVER, it is unfair and unjust to think autism is just that, to think it's all tics, fascinations and whatever. I'm not Rainman, my name isn't Sam and I don't rock back and forth like a foetus.

Yes, I have some problems. I don't pick up subtle signals, mixed messages confuse me, I have trouble keeping order in my brain as well as my room, etc. But, my Asperger has also provided me with a lot of good things.

I see a lot of details, like a different haircut, shoes, but also things in a room or a painting or picture. I even notice it in people's behaviour. I see through masks, break through walls and get to the person or the issue. That's also a way of survival for me. If people are fake, I don't get to know them and if i find out, I get confused.

Another thing is that I don't pay attention to things like "personal shame". with that I mean that, if I see a common ground, I sometime start conversation with a stranger. It always works out well, and when someone says "I've only talked 30 minutes with you, but it's like I know you already", that's a great compliment.

I'm forward, I'm extravert, I like getting attention. To a level, I need attention, because it's the only way for me to know wether people like having me around. I've been in commercials, on stage, on TV. I like that, I love acting and improvising.

What I'm trying to say here, with all these examples, is that a lot of people with autism doesn't need anyone to speak for them. We can do it perfectly ourselves. And if not, there's training and courses for it. Don't fight our battles for us. In fact, don't fight autism at all. We're not broken, we're not set back. We're just wired differently. So instead of trying to rewire us, learn our manual instead.

My name is Alwin. I was born on May 1st, 1984 in The Netherlands. I laugh, cry, scream, whisper, feel and create. I also have been diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrom.

And I wouldn't have me any other way.

Music meme!

2009-02-28T01:36:38Z

10:47 pm - Random music shuffle meme!
Stolen from </a>damanique because music memes are fun. I put ALL my music on shuffle for this, and that's about a zillion songs, so. (I also skipped the ones that were just lame, come on, the meme has to be a little bit amusing)

The rules:
Put your music player of choice on shuffle and answer these questions with the first line(s) of the song.

1. If you were to see a ghost, you'd scream... As soon as I'm left alone, The Devil wanders into my soul - PJ Harvey, The Devil

2. If you were to write an autobiography, you'd call it... The basement scene is dark and dusty - Freezepop, Less Talk More Rokk (If my name was Dutroux or Fritz maybe O_o )

3. You get a letter from a secret admirer that reads... Ladies and Gentlemen, this is mambo no 5! - Lou Bega, Mambo no 5.

4. In a job interview you're always sure to tell the manager... I've been looking for a trace, looking for a heart - Guns 'n Roses, you're crazy

5. When you arrive at the pearly gates in the sky you say... You and me, we used to be together, every day together, always....- No Doubt, Don't speak. ( Meep, scarily fitting)

6. If you were a superhero, your catch phrase would be... Well is it true what they say about it, they say it's new but I have to doubt it. - The Hives, Walk idiot walk.

7. When somebody offers you drugs you decline by saying... I'm just a regular everyday normal guy, nothing special about me, motherfucker! - Jon Lajoie, Everyday Normal Guy (Heh, that could work actually)

8. While stuck in traffic you read a strange bumper sticker that states... My oh my, do you wanna say goodbye? - Aqua, My oh my

9. Hmm...these are some feelings you should really keep to yourself... How many times can you put me down, Til in your heart you realize,
If you choose to criticize, You choose your enemies - Ozzy Osbourne, You're no different

10. When a bully insults you, your comeback is... Decieved by my eyes, and all I was told I should see. Opinions not mine, a person they tought me to be..... - Waterproof Blonde, Close your eyes.

11. When you win a game of ping pong you shout... Kool Thing, sittin' with a kiddie. Now you know you're sure lookin' pretty.- Sonic Youth, Kool Thing

12. So what exactly makes you so awesome :]... Some tuesday night, a year ago, I stepped into this club, I heard sweet discosongs below, and never since went up - Van Kooten en De Bie, Doomed to disco.

13. After making out, you tell your sweetheart... "Oh no I just keep on falling (back to the same old), and where's hope, when misery keeps calling (on my way-eh) - Paramore: Born for this ( Yeah, that's really romantic >_> )

14. If you're the valedictorian of your school, you open your valedictory speech with... Girl...you'll be a woman soon..- Urge Overkill,, Girl, you'll be a woman soon.

15. Describe your best friend... "Too legit, too legit to quit! - MC Hammer, Too legit to quit. ( Wait, what? This doesn't even make sense)

16. When you're angry, you like to scream.... "You say the sweetest things and I can't keep my heart from singing - Paramore, Stop this song

17. What you say to ask for forgiveness from someone you've hurt: You're so impossible, scream and moan, it chills my soul - Queens of the Stone Age, Another love song ( I have strange understandings of social behaviour, it seems)

18. How you express your feelings to your crush... "Get yourself cooler, lay yourself low, coincidental murder, with nothing to show - Aerosmith, Same old song and dance ( I really need to get some social training, this is all very inapropriate!)

19. How you introduce yourself to people... "Wait by the phone, all night long. He can't help you, but I know, I could.- Queens of the Stone Age, Gonna leave you

20. When asking for directions, you start the question with... I got nothin' to lose, I'm going all out - Cypress Hill, Nothing to Lose.

This was fun!

Want this job? Well, have this brainscan first!

2009-02-21T23:34:38Z

Professor Willem Verbeke from Erasmus Medical Centre (big hospital in Rotterdam) says that a fucking BRAINSCAN should be part of a job application, in order to find out if someone's psychotic/autisic/otherwise mentally disabled.

WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT.

Here's an idea: *hands out diagnose + phone number of psychologist* DONE.

Holy fuck, that man is retarded. Brainscans are fucking expensive, not to mention invasive. If this actually goes through I'm gonna stay jobless per principle, because I refuse to be a part of that system.

GOD FUCKING DAMNIT I'M PISSED.

Edit: here's the article (in dutch)

ROTTERDAM - Tussen nu en vijf jaar zullen werkgevers hun werknemers een hersencan afnemen, vooral dan bij sollicitaties. Dat verwacht professor neuro-economie Willem Verbeke van de Erasmus Universiteit.

Met de scan zie je letterlijk in de hersenen hoe hun systeem werkt, of iemand autistisch is of psychopaat. Iedereen verbergt wel iets, onzekerheden en twijfels. Alles komt naar boven”, zegt Verbeke zaterdag in het Vlaamse banenmagazine Vacature.

Hersentests kunnen aanduiden welk soort banen bij iemand past. „Sommige verkopers zijn beter in het onderhouden van contacten dan het werven van nieuwe klanten. Dergelijk advies kunnen wij geven, steeds gefundeerd op neurologie.”

Verbeke beschouwt de Amerikaanse superoplichter Bernard Madoff als een psychopaat die ontmaskerd had kunnen worden. „Wij geloven dat mensen die voor een hoge functie in aanmerking komen, eerst op mogelijk psychopatisch gedrag getest moeten worden. Dat kan op basis van door ons ontwikkelde technieken.”

Verbeke doet onderzoek op het gebied van neuro-economie - het raakvlak van economie, psychologie en neurologie.

Source: http://www.telegraaf.nl/binnenland/3311678/___Hersenscan_bij_sollicitatie___.html?p=1,1

I can has meme?

2009-02-18T00:35:56Z

-Describe me in one word... just one single word. Positive or negative.

-Leave your word in a comment before looking at what words others have used.

-Then copy and paste the meme to your journal to find out how people will describe you when limited to one word.

Bring it on!

Most awesome thing ever

2009-01-30T22:46:26Z

http://www.thinkgeek.com/geektoys/japanfan/a8f6/

WTF, a real ocarina. A real LoZ ocarina! I am SO getting one. And then I'll get ocarina lessons and I'll bring it to lowlands score chicks. Or maybe I won't. Whatever.

Ocarina > Guitar.

OCARINAAAAA.

Fashion sense test.

2009-01-16T14:39:09Z

Your result for The Fashion Style Test...

Fashion Artist

[Flamboyant Original Deliberate Prissy]

To you fashion is not what they think up in Paris or New York. You follow only your instincts and taste and, admit it, they are far from conventional. Clothes are one of the methods of expressing your personality and being interesting is even more important than being attractive. You pay attention to compose such outfits that would express you best. You tend to shock and though many appreciate your style and originality not many follow in your footsteps. Perhaps your flamboyant outfits are partly meant to hide some of your insecurity but be that as it may, few pass you on the street without looking back. Good job.

The opposite style from yours is Sporty Hottie [Tasteful Conventional Random Sexy].

All the categories: Librarian Sporty Hottie Office Master Uptown Girl/ Boy Brainy Student Movie Star Fashionista Glamorous Soul Fashion Enemy Bar Cruiser Kid Next Door Sex Bomb Hippie Kid Fashion Rebel Fashion Artist Catwalk God(ess)

Take The Fashion Style Test at HelloQuizzy

Can't say I disagree ^_^

For your consideration

2008-10-17T18:26:21Z

Have fun!

^_^

It means a lot to find it so easy, it takes a lot to find your self way down....

2008-02-07T11:02:34Z

Never have those words been more true then now. A lot of stuff has been going on lately and I've not been letting it out or letting people know, so here I go. Besides, I got tagged to write about 8 things that have been going on in my life. I doubt I'll make it that far, but here I go.

1: Grandpa.
My grandpa is dying. He was diagnosed with asbestoscancer about 6 months ago and went from healthy senior man who still did some light work to a helpless, needing, hush of a man. He's in so much pain he pretty much uses 1 liter of morphine a week, added with a whole bunch of other drugs. Amy Whinehouse would be jealous. I'm going to see him tomorrow, and while I know it's important for my grandma, I'm also scared. I mean, first of all there's a chance he might die when I'm there and I just know I can't handle that. But also, so much has changed and I don't really cope well with these kinds of changes, seeing my grandpa in that way, my grandma who's in constant emotional stress, it's all very unreal to me, and I wish it was that way. Grandpa has always been a strong, working kind of man. When they moved into that house about 15 years ago, he moved the wasmachine up the stairs all by himself.

*sighs* My mom just called, she asked if I can pick up some things from the grocerystore to bring to my grandparents house. I'll also get to see my grandpa that way, she said, because tonight, he'll be put to sleep. For good. Damn, that hit me like a ton of bricks. I guess it's for the best, I mean, the end was coming, but damn. Still, when this is all over, I'll have a kick-ass grandma but damnit, what I wouldn't do now to get my grandpa back. Even when he knew he was at his end, these past 6 months, he continued to live his life. He helped construct a boat, he even went to check on it two days ago. And with christmas, me, mirjam, my parents and grandparents were all together in a hotel, and during dinner, there was the possibilty to dance, with dancefloor and singer and all. He was in so much pain but he danced to a couple of songs with my grandma and it was so wonderful to see. I'll miss him, I love him and I'll never forget him.

2: Autism.
I've been having groupsessions It's neat, loads of different kinds of autism. People who don't really say much and people who say WAY to much. Example: some guy can talk for 5 minutes about something that happened at the coffeemachine, I shit you not. More importantly, we get some homework after every session. This week, it's about talents. I need to write down 5 things I'm good at, and someone else needs to write 5 talents he/she sees in me. I'll write down my 5 here and if anyone who replies wants to name 5 things I'm good at, that would be cool.

1: I'm good a writing. 2: I'm good at acting. 3: I'm a good massager. 4: I'm pretty good in analysing situation. 5: I'm a good listener.

Well, I can't really write anything more, the other 6 things will come later. Right now, I'm thirsty, sad and I have stuff to do. I'll keep you all updated. Bye.

Personality test

2007-09-26T12:28:24Z

Nabbed from Damanique:

Alwin took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Over-imaginative and given to fantasy or day-dream..."

Click here to read the rest of the results.

Scary how acurate it is O_o, just click colors and ZOOM, it's there. Here are some highlights.

Alwin's Stress Sources
Has an unsatisfied need to ally himself with others whose standards are as high as his own, and to stand out from the herd. This desire for preeminence isolates him and inhibits his readiness to give himself freely. While he wants to surrender and let himself go, he regards this as a weakness which must be resisted. This self-restraint, he feels, will lift him above the rank and file and ensure recognition as a unique and distinctive personality.

What the....this is nuts. I mean, I clicked fucking COLORS and it's this acurate. I feel the need to surround myself with likeminded individuals, yet, at the same time, I want to, erm, feel special I guess? I've always been somesort of outcast, and I feel comfortable in that role.

Alwin's Desired Objective
Over-imaginative and given to fantasy or day-dreaming. Longs for interesting and exciting things to happen and wants to be admired for him charm.

Why yes, please, do love me for all I am. I'm a total attentionwhore, but only to entertain, of course *grins*

The results have given me something to think about, what do you think of the results?

Some things to think about.

2007-08-13T12:28:06Z

About taking chances:
Fear is never an excuse to stop persueing happyness.

About being bullied a school.
Don't hide in your shell, but become a star so bright it burns your enemies.

That will be all.
Credits: me.

Well, at least it official now.

2007-07-23T16:23:28Z

I've got Asperger Syndrom. It's been diagnosed and end of august, sessions start so I can learn how to deal with it. For those unfamiliar with it, it's a social development disorder from the autism collective of disorders.

It's not something I'm very shocked about, I mean, I've had it all my life, and I can relate to the symptoms. Now I have a way to deal with it, and way to explain myself. It's not an excuse for when I'm being a dickhead, but more of an explenation. I'll copy-paste some of the description from Wikipedia and add my own comments.

"Like other autistic spectrum disorders, Asperger's includes repetitive behavior patterns and impairment in social interaction. However, Asperger's differs from 'classic' autism in that non-social aspects of intellectual development generally proceed at a normal or accelerated rate.[6]

The disorder affects people in various ways, but individuals with Asperger's commonly share characteristics such as an ability to focus intensely on areas of interest, hyposensitivity/hypersensitivity to certain stimuli and sensory integration problems, self-stimulating ('stimming') behaviors such as rocking back and forth or verbal utterances, and difficulty interpreting facial expressions and other social cues.[6] Some positive characteristics include things such as enhanced mental focus, excellent memory abilities, superior spatial skills, and an intuitive understanding of logical systems. These characteristics can often lead to fulfilling careers in mathematics, engineering, the sciences,[1][2][3], music, art, or language.[7]"

This is very familiar to me. I'm hypersensitive, I notice details that others do not. That's mainly because my "filters" are off. Usually, when you get sensations, you filter background noise. I don't, so I pretty much register everything that my senses detect. That makes for a lot of input and also explains my restlesness. I mean, if you were bombarded with information 24/7, you'd be restless too, right?

I have good memory skills, if albeit a bit random and selective, and my spatial skills are good as well.

"AS is characterized by:[14][19]

* Narrow interests or preoccupation with a subject to the exclusion of other activities
* Repetitive behaviors or rituals
* Peculiarities in speech and language
* Extensive logical/technical patterns of thought
* Socially and emotionally inappropriate behavior and interpersonal interaction
* Problems with nonverbal communication
* Clumsy and uncoordinated motor movements

The most common and important characteristics of AS can be divided into several broad categories: social impairments, narrow but intense interests, and peculiarities of speech and language. Other features are commonly associated with this syndrome, but are not always regarded as necessary for diagnosis. This section mainly reflects the views of Attwood, Gillberg, and Wing on the most important characteristics of AS; the DSM-IV criteria represent a slightly different view. Unlike most forms of PDDs, AS is often camouflaged, and many people with the disorder blend in with those who do not have it. The effects of AS depend on how an affected individual responds to the syndrome itself.[28]"

Narrow interests? Not really and absolutely. I mean, I'm interested in a lot of things, as long as it's personal. My fascination is the world and the people in it. Repetitive behaviours or rituals? Kind of, I mean, if I have a clear view of how I wanna do something and someone/something disturbs that, I feel REALLY uncomfortable. As a kid, I was known for the use of difficult words and I still have that issue. I'm also a spellingnazi, even when chatting.

The last three symptoms speak for themselves. I have problems with social rules and interaction, and sometimes I don't understand how and why people respond the way they do. Despite those issues, I've managed to maintain friendships and I even have a girlfriend. That's because, appearently, due to my higher than average I.Q, I've been able to recognize patterns and behaviour, and so, I've been able to adapt and understand. For people without autism it's appearantly hard to understand how I can function socialy by just trying to think logicly and using my brain instead of my heart, but yeah, I've been doing it all my life, so I've had a lot of time to learn ;-)

Clumsy and uncoordinated movements? Well....duh.

There's a lot more stuff on the wikipage http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome to read, and I intend to read it all. I'm not gonna post everything on it here, as I am sure you are all very able to click that link ;-) Besides, I covered to most critical parts anyway.

I hope this has cleared some things up you were wondering and more then ever, I am eager to reading all of your feedback.

Alwin.

Menergy!

2007-07-16T21:49:30Z

Made of WIN and AWESOMESAUCE.

And lightning.

I need therapy

2007-07-05T22:25:48Z

Look what I have become!

The Manchild
Random Brutal Love Dreamer (RBLD)

Hopeful. Awkward. Soft-headed. Fire intrigues you. You are The Manchild.

Okay, Manchildren have some good qualities. They can be unpredictable, brash, magnetic--and therefore highly charismatic. Particularly, you're passionate and are often a hell of a lot of fun.

Your exact male opposite:
The Bachelor

Deliberate Gentle Sex Master

But we'd like you to consider not using OkCupid. You can be unthinking and hurtful, and we think you LIKE seeing bad things happen. You've had a moderate number of relationships, but broken a disproportionate number of hearts. In total, you mean well, but don't really have it together.

It's up to you, of course, whether to continue dating. There are plenty of women out there who do deserve you. But you've heard our advice.

If you stay...
ALWAYS AVOID: The Dirty Little Secret (DGSM)

CONSIDER: The Sudden Departure (RBLM).

Link: The Online Dating Persona Test @ OkCupid - free online dating.
My profile name: : murdocnl

*cries*
Really, am I that horrible? I wanna be a backrubber again....*grumble*

Stupid junk.

2007-06-11T22:21:57Z

Let me cry your tears, fear your fears.
Let me carry your misery so you can live in harmony.
I am the one that cares, I am the one that gives.
The one that has no life, but restores yours.

Accept this offer, take it with your heart.
When I leave this world, I will have done my part.
I do not want your pity, concern or remorse.
I've been through much and it will get much worse.

In darkness there is calmth, I call it my home.
Some people reach for me, my skin chills their bones.
My eyes are empty, and cold like ice.
I was deaf to her warnings, and paid the price.

What will I do and where will I go.
My life wastes fast but the time is slow.
Clouds whisper their secrets, I remember them well.
How we all have failed, how humanity fell.

This is my story, now don't be sad.
Before I wrote this, I was already dead.
I have learned it is useless for me to regret.
Regret in the darkness, my time in her bed.

Most of you know me as the funloving guy.
I have decieved you, it all was a lie.
I don't expect tears, even a single cry.
My time has come, I wish you goodbye.

You know it's true...

2007-05-21T20:28:04Z

Get Your Sexy Name

Speak German?

2007-05-12T12:00:46Z

Yes? No? Anyway! A friend of mine is doing her final essay about the German language by doing research on the grasp on the language of people.

Uhm, that didn't make any sense. What DOES make sense is this link. You'll help her a great deal with it if you take the test. It's not hard, long or difficult. Just do it, k?

http://www.let.uu.nl/taalevaluatie/wwstim/exp17/html/

I have date!

2007-05-03T01:06:18Z

With this wonderfull young woman. She's gorgeous, caring, loving, compassionate and all that.

We're meeting this friday and if things click, we'll go out on saturday. I really hope it will work out, this will be my big test to see if monogamy works for me.

I'll keep you updated!

Birthday!

2007-04-28T15:49:22Z

1st of may is my birthday. That rhymes, yay! Also, you're all invited. If you wish to come, let me know, I'll contact you with the details. Bring food + drinks. Also, presents aren't required but always appreciated ^_^ Anyway, here's a list of items that would enhance my life.

Clothing!
http://www.zestuff.com/tshirts/8bit/5/
http://www.zestuff.com/tshirts/8bit/7/
http://www.zestuff.com/tshirts/generic/219/
http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts/generic/8ba2/
http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts/gaming/713e/
http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts/frustrations/3670/
http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts/gaming/8e31/
http://www.jinx.com/scripts/details.asp?productID=888
http://www.jinx.com/scripts/details.asp?productID=692
http://www.jinx.com/scripts/details.asp?productID=47
http://www.jinx.com/scripts/details.asp?productID=984
http://www.jinx.com/scripts/details.asp?productID=547
http://www.jinx.com/scripts/details.asp?productID=548 ----> on sale and VERY much desired
http://www.jinx.com/scripts/details.asp?productID=796

Random geekstuff!
http://www.zestuff.com/consumables/candies/61/
http://www.thinkgeek.com/geektoys/japanfan/8385/
http://www.thinkgeek.com/geektoys/cubegoodies/8506/
http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/tools/8ace/

Music!
Moulin Rouge soundtrack
Any Rob Zombie CD except Hellbilly Deluxe
New CD by Gwen Stefani
Videogame soundtracks
Any Amazing Stroopwafels CDs
Selfmade MP3 Cd or DVD

Ok, so most of it is geekrelated. And shirts. I like shirts. I also know some of these are a bit expensive, but hey, it's a wishlist, not a getlist ;-) It's also meant of an indication of stuff I like. So if you see something with a witty line or cool desing, don't hesitate. Chances are I like it muchies.

And if all fails, bring food <3 Hope to see a lot of you!

Super Mario Xtreme

2007-04-28T02:40:26Z

Super profane mario bros. Videocrazy video

It's INSANE! And funny. Audio ON!